Everything To Me
by KaydenceRei
Summary: “All those times I try getting you to talk to me Elliot,” she explained bitterly. “All those times of you just pushing me out of the way and now you want me to talk to you about what’s wrong with me?” she questioned him. “It really doesn’t work that way.”


**Disclaimer**: I own not a single dang thing. Oh wait, I do happen to own **obsessedwithstabler's** nifty left shoe!

**A/N**: That's right, another one of my infamous song-fics. I haven't written one since 'Your Embrace', so I thought I'd give this new song a try by a new artist. :) For once this story isn't just based on Olivia's feelings, after the first part of this you're actually going to get a good look into Elliot's views as well, I just hope I play my cards correctly.

**Artist**: Brooke Hogan

**Song**: Everything to Me

&&&&&

They always say that there's somebody in the world for everybody, but perhaps that wasn't really true.

For Olivia Benson a date was nothing. Men walked in and out of her life like she was nothing more then a one night stand, and personally she didn't really believe otherwise at this point. After so many years, was there really a point in bothering to care? Most likely there was, but for some reason she didn't.

There was only ever one man that she dared care more about then anybody else that had ever stepped foot in her life, and that wasn't even somebody she'd ever been with. And he was someone she probably would never get the chance to be with, even though her feelings for him far outweighed those of any others.

Brown eyes followed Elliot as he pulled some things back into a folder for a case that they'd both been working on. She watched as he stood up as well, pulling his jacket from the back of the couch and pulling it back on over his shoulders. He was the only man that she really cared enough about, but he was the one man who also walked in and out of her life continuously.

Push her away, pull her back in. That was the way her partner seemed to act since his divorce. She'd been told more then enough times by co-workers that it wasn't quite so fair to her anymore for things to be like this, but for some reason she decided to ignore them all. She could never truly walk out on Elliot; give up on him like people were telling her to do.

The silence was rather awkward for once. Her mind was scattered on many different subjects besides what they had been talking about just moments before.

"See you tomorrow," Elliot said, his voice nearly breaking her train of thought. His icey eyes stared at Olivia blankly, as she seemed to have no response whatsoever to what he'd just said to her. He wondered if it even registered in her head with the way she was staring off into space. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened the door slightly before looking back at Olivia, she hadn't moved. "Olivia?" he questioned, slightly confused by her behavior.

Olivia turned her head slightly towards Elliot, showing her acknowledgement to the question in his voice. "Hmm?" was the only response that was mustered up from the back of her throat. She quickly realized her mistake of having blanked out so easily in front of her partner when she saw him shut the door and walk back over to her. "What are you doing?" she asked him.

Secretly, she loved the fact that Elliot had come back. She would have voiced the words to him, shown him, anything if she thought that he might actually feel something towards her in return, but she was afraid that he didn't. Olivia never was good with her feelings, and she only wished she could do something about that right now.

_You wanna go,  
And as you open up the door,  
You change your mind,  
I'm not something to leave behind,  
You'll never know,  
All these things I feel inside,  
I want to show, you,  
There's nothing out there to find._

Elliot took a seat beside his partner on the couch and placed the folder back down on her coffee table. "I'm going to figure out what's wrong with you," he stated matter-of-factly. He gave her smile, but she didn't seem all too happy to be returning it. He wondered now, if maybe it was something he did tonight that was making her so uncomfortable around him, but he also knew he had been an asshole to her as of late.

Olivia's brown eyes drifted away from Elliot as she stood to her feet. "You can use the couch if you want, it's late anyways," she stated before beginning to walk away from the couch and towards the hallway to her bedroom.

"Olivia," Elliot said for the second time tonight. He grabbed hold of her wrist as she moved to walk away, and caught her by surprise if anything.

One eyebrow raised curiously over Olivia's left eye as she turned to look back at her partner. "What is it?" she asked, as if she honestly didn't know what he could be thinking right now.

Elliot gave her one of his, 'don't try that with me' looks before speaking again. "Why don't you at least tell me what I did to make you uncomfortable," he suggested. He didn't actually mean to pry, or push her when it came to her personal life.

A look of confusion seemed to register on Olivia's face at what Elliot had said to her. She wasn't uncomfortable about something he did, it was simply the fact that what she felt for him all of the sudden was almost foreign to her. "You didn't do anything," she told him.

"Then at least tell me what is bothering you Olivia," Elliot said as he stood up next to her. "I'm your partner Olivia, you can tell me whatever you need to," he told her, a slightly softer tone taking to his voice.

Olivia was almost shocked, and to say the least, slight angry at what he said to her. How could he expect her to talk to him with all those times locked into her memory when she had tried to get him to talk to her only to be pushed further away? With Elliot it was like taking one step forward and then getting pushed two steps back, you never got anywhere. "Are you serious?" she asked, the cynicism like a poison in her voice.

Elliot was taken aback by Olivia's tone, and he stared at her with a look of confusion.

"All those times I try getting you to talk to me Elliot," she explained bitterly. "All those times of you just pushing me out of the way and now you want me to talk to you about what's wrong with me?" she questioned him. "It really doesn't work that way."

Elliot admitted that she was right, but all those times it was his pride that stopped him from telling his partner that he actually had a problem. But all he could see etched into Olivia's eyes and face was fear. She was afraid to tell him whatever it was she was hiding. "What are you afraid of Olivia?" he asked her, not allowing her change of subject and tone of voice to actually phase him. And he could tell now, just by the look on her face, she was caught off guard by how he read her.

_Oh Baby I, wanna make you see,  
There's nothing more to fear,  
Cause everything is right here._

Her brown eyes widened slight out of surprise. She was caught completely off guard by the way Elliot knew exactly why she didn't want to talk to him. How in the world had he actually seen through her façade? She wasn't used to having someone who could read her emotions so well and that truly scared her more then anything else could. "I'm…" she mumbled out, stumbling on the words. "I'm not afraid of anything."

Elliot was slightly amused by her reaction now. He could tell almost immediately, one of Olivia's biggest fears probably was something to do with being afraid. She seemed to fear, fear itself. "You are too Olivia," he stated as he let go of her hand. With his finger he began to point, first to her eyes, "I see it here," he told her. Suddenly his hand moved to Olivia's chest, his finger pointing right to her heart, "And here."

Her reaction to Elliot's hand being so close to her chest seemed to be the key indicator to Olivia. It hit him like a baseball to the face when Olivia seemed to take a step back from his hand. "You're afraid of me…" he said suddenly.

Olivia's eyes widened a little bit more now. That wasn't true. She wasn't afraid of her partner, she was afraid of the feelings that she had developed for him. But her reaction to him being so close to something that could be perceive as looking sexual to the wrong person, seemed to give off the completely wrong vibe. Her lips parted slightly to say something in response, but she couldn't seem to find the words to explain herself. Her fears for her feelings were once again clouding her mind.

"I didn't know," was all Elliot could seem to muster up now. He felt completely horrible for pushing her like he did now. What had he actually done to have ever made Olivia afraid of him?

She was everything to him, and she was afraid of him. Somehow Elliot would never actually be able to forgive himself for something like this. Olivia had always been his better half, but what do you do when your other half is suddenly afraid of you? What do you do when the person you love the most fears you in every single way?

Love? When did he begin to love Olivia more then just a friend? Questions continuously plagued him now, and he only had himself to blame for the way things had gone lately. "I'm sorry," he responded quietly.

Olivia tried everything she could to will the words out from herself now. Guilt was flashing over every feature of her face, but she couldn't put her feelings out in the open even now. By the way that Elliot was acting; it was almost as if he cared more about her then she thought, almost as if he needed her. She just wished he could see further into her heart, see the fact that he was everything to her as well…

_I'm everything you want,  
I'm everything you need,  
And every little part of you, is a part of me...  
I'm everything you know,  
I'm everywhere you go,  
And I hope that you see,  
That your everything to me,  
Oh yeah,  
Everything to me, Yeah._

The awkward silence between them had returned again, and this time neither partner could seem to say anything to the other to make things right.

"I'll go," Elliot whispered quickly to her before turning on his heels and walking away. He never meant for things to turn out this way between the two of them, and he only wished that there was something he could do to make things right between them.

When he reached the door he turned back to look at Olivia again and she hadn't seemed to of moved, nor had her facial expression changed. She had the same look of guilt mixed with fear etched onto her features as before. He opened the door and walked out now, closing it behind him as he walked down the hallway of her building toward the elevator.

Olivia could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes. Things weren't supposed to be like this, she was never supposed to have feelings for somebody like she did for Elliot right now. Realization struck her immediately. She couldn't just let him walk away like this, and she couldn't let another person walk out of her life.

If Elliot didn't feel the same way that she felt about him then God forbid. But if somehow he did manage to love someone as screwed up as Olivia Benson, she had to know, she couldn't let her feelings keep going in some masked burden. This was like some secret storm for her, and at times she began wishing she was never born.

Sometimes she felt as though she was stuck in some kind of world that wasn't her own. It was a world where she had no way of controlling the different things that happened, a world that she could never get out of.

She ran to her apartment door quickly, opening it. And looking out of it she could see that Elliot had already gone into the elevator. She silently cursed herself as she ran down the hallway towards the staircase.

_Whisper to me, I hang on every word you say,  
Don't tell me no,  
As you turn and walk away,  
Don't shut me out,  
I'm much stronger  
Then you know,  
But you're on your way, you'll be back with me someday._

When Olivia made it to the bottom of the staircase and into the lobby of her apartment building, she didn't see anybody. She did about crash into her neighbors daughter, who looked as if she'd been caught red-handed, probably sneaking home. She probably would have laughed if it was any other situation, instead she asked about Elliot. "Jamie, did you see a man, blue eyes and short dark hair come off the elevator?"

Jamie's reaction was one of relief that Olivia wasn't going to say anything about her sneaking home. "Uh yeah Liv, he went out the front door a few seconds before I saw you come down the stairs," she responded, almost in awe that Olivia was chasing someone. Before Olivia walked away she was quick to ask her own question "Is my mom…?"

A smile played on Olivia's lips; she'd help the girl with a free pass into her home. "You might want to go up the fire escape, your mom is still awake," she answered with a wink. She laughed as the younger girl nodded and grinned, and then went up the stairs before running out the doors to the building.

She hadn't even been aware that it was raining, or rather pouring rain outside until she stepped out the doors. She was drenched in a matter of seconds, and she could hardly see a thing. She moved out onto the sidewalk in her search for Elliot, being wet didn't really matter now, she was already soaked.

That was when she saw Elliot moving towards his car, parked a few spots down. "Elliot!" she yelled out, attempting to catch his attention. It didn't seem to work though, and she found herself running quickly after him. "Elliot!" she tried again, this time grabbing onto his arm.

Elliot was more then surprised at the tug on his arm, not having heard Olivia calling him. He turned, almost as if he thought it would be someone ready to hurt him, only to see Olivia. His look instantly softened, "What the hell are you doing out here?" he asked, trying his best to say it over the rain pelting at the ground and them.

"I'm not afraid of you Elliot," Olivia told him, also keeping her voice above the rain. She would have preferred holding the conversation anywhere else at this point, but right now it was about the only option. She saw the look of confusion come over his face, and realized that he hadn't quite heard what she said. She finally pulled his head down so she could say what she had to more clearly. "It's not about you," she told him again, this time she knew he heard her.

_Oh Baby I, I'm gonna make you see,  
There's nothing more to fear,  
Cause everythings right here.  
_

Elliot wasn't going to continue this talk outside where they were lucky if they could hear each other. He grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her back towards her apartment building. When she opened the door, he walked in after her. "What do you mean Olivia?" he questioned, glad to actually have the silence of the lobby this time.

Her brown eyes searched the floor of the lobby in an attempt to find the answer for him. This was the part that she could never seem to will from herself and even now the words seemed to be lost.

"If it's not me, then what are you afraid of?" Elliot questioned her. He wasn't angry; he was merely confused by the way she was acting at this point. She recoiled if he got too close, but came after him if he got too far away. If that wasn't throwing someone for a loop then he didn't know what was. "What are you hiding?"

Olivia was silent for a moment, contemplating how to word what she wanted to say. She did want to say it now, but the fact was that she still couldn't. It seemed nearly impossible for her to make herself so vulnerable to somebody, especially when that somebody was her partner. When that somebody is the man you have to see every day, sitting across from you. "I can't…" she whispered, shaking her head slightly in response.

A small smile painted itself upon Elliot's lips as he raised his hand to Olivia's chin, moving her gaze to be looking at him. He was surprised by how she still tried to keep her eyes downcast. "Yes you can Liv," he whispered back. "You can tell me anything, you know I'd never judge you." When her eyes finally met his, he was surprised to see how much she really was holding in, and she seemed almost ready to burst.

Her top and bottom lip both parted from each other, and finally words managed to escape from their prison. "I'm afraid…" she started, sucking in a deep breath before continuing. "I'm afraid of the way I feel…" she said quietly, almost in audible. She was truly surprised that even that much had come out, she honestly couldn't believe she'd managed to say that much, and if anything else managed it's way out, she'd probably hate herself for making herself so vulnerable. "The way I feel for you…"

_I'm everything you want,  
I'm everything you need,  
And every little part of you, is a part of me...  
I'm everything you know,  
And I'm everywhere you go,  
And I hope that you see,  
That you're everything to me, Oh yeah  
_

Elliot's surprise was more then just slightly. He was shocked by what had just come from his partner's mouth. She was afraid of his feelings for him? Curiosity was picked and he wondered how exactly Olivia did feel about him. He didn't tear his eyes away from her; instead he asked what it was he wanted to know. "And how do you feel about me?" he questioned, his voice soft, filled only with curiosity.

Another silence protruded the lobby as Olivia began to think again. She wasn't sure she could get something like this out in the open, not her exact feelings for him. How could she? She'd done it once before, and had been terribly dismissed by a man she cared about and put all of her trust in. "I…" she tried, but she was more confused then ever. "I don't know…"

A strange look came over Elliot's facial features, and he realized that Olivia really did seem to be confused. He felt bad about trying to push it out of her without even realizing it. He'd had no right to pry into how she might have been feeling, even if it was towards him. He knew better. He knew that Olivia wasn't someone who always knew how she felt, or knew how she should voice those feelings. But how long did he want to wait for her to figure it out?

He wondered to himself if Olivia even had any room left in her heart for him. Every day she filled herself with the victims of New York, and maybe that meant there was no more room for him. He had no idea. He just wished she was able to answer the questions that he had.

Olivia wasn't sure how to respond to Elliot's silence, and to be honest with herself, she wasn't sure she could respond. This time it was her turn to be sorry, and it was her turn to hope Elliot could forgive her. "I'm so sorry," she told him quietly before running up the staircase to get back to her apartment.

_I understand your confusion.  
In denial, disillusioned.  
But I won't wait to long.  
And I might just move on.  
I'm buried by your indecision.  
Digging for the life I'm missing.  
Just look inside and see I hope there's room for me._

Elliot stared after Olivia. Had she actually just run away from him, and said she was sorry just because she couldn't voice her feelings for him?

This time he knew what he had to do. He had to follow after her this time. He would tell her how he felt and hope that maybe, just maybe, she would actually feel the way about him that he felt about her. "Olivia! Wait!" he yelled after her before following her up the stairs.

It was a minute or two, but he caught up to her just as she was closing her apartment door. "Olivia, let me say something before you shut the door, please," he said to her. Perhaps he was even begging her, but he couldn't be exactly sure. He'd never actually begged before to know if that's what he was actually doing.

Olivia's eyes glanced at Elliot's hands which only gently held her door open. If she wanted, he would have let her shut the door in his face. But she didn't want to. She wanted him, and she wanted everything about him. Still, she was afraid more then anything to know what he was going to say to her, but she knew one thing for sure. She needed to know.

A sigh of relief escaped Elliot's lips when Olivia let go of the apartment door. She hadn't shut him out, that was good he guessed. He gave her a small smile, which she tried, almost in vain, to return. "Olivia," he started off. "You're probably the only good thing I have left in life anymore," he told her. "You're important to me in more ways then I think I'd ever be able to understand."

Olivia's mouth opened to say something in return, but she realized in a second that Elliot wasn't quite finished with what he wanted to say to her. So she clamped her mouth shut and allowed him to continue what he was saying.

"I know I'm an asshole towards you sometimes Olivia," he admitted. "But I do care about you, more then anyone else." He ran his fingers over the top of his head in a nervous gesture before continuing again. "I need you Liv, and I want to be with you but I just don't know how."

Olivia's eyes widened for a moment in response to what Elliot had just said to her. He wanted to be with her? But why would someone want to be a part of her life when they knew exactly how screwed up she was? Not only was she raised by someone who had no idea what she was doing, but her genes spoke for themselves.

_Oh baby I, I want to make you see,  
There's nothing more to fear,  
Cause everything is right here.  
_

Elliot was going to say something else when he thought Olivia wasn't going to respond, but suddenly, without him having had time to react, Olivia's lips met his in a kiss. He stared at her. He was clearly amazed and surprised by what Olivia had just done, and he actually had no idea how to respond. "Olivia… I…"

"I… love you," Olivia said quietly. She purposely cut Elliot's words off, because she knew that was the only time she would ever have the courage to say the words first again. Her eyes refused to stare at Elliot's face at the moment, and she merely stared down at the floor.

Shock filled Elliot in a moment's notice when Olivia said those words. He knew exactly how to respond to that, but he would have preferred to do so with Olivia looking at his face instead of the floor. For the second time this night he placed his hand under Olivia's chin and lifted her face to be looking at him. When her eyes refused to look up at him, he finally did the only thing that would catch her attention. He moved forwards and captured her lips.

Olivia caught the gesture, and understood the meaning behind it almost immediately. She wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and after a few seconds the kiss deepened slightly. A few more moments later and the two finally broke apart again, and she gave Elliot a faint smile. "Staying?" she asking quietly as she gestured inside her apartment.

Elliot could only smile back at her and nod as she led him back inside her apartment.

_I'm everything you want,  
I'm everything you need,  
(Everything you need) and every little part of you,  
Is a part of me,  
I'm everything you know,  
I'm everywhere you go, and I hope that you see,  
(And I hope that you see) that your everything to me._

"_I love you too…_"

&&&&&&&&

**So… how was this one-shot? I tried my best, and I just hope it's not completely horrible. For a good laugh, you can check out my other one-shot, 'Torture By Means of Idiocy'. I hope you all enjoyed this story, it's a really good song. -Kay**


End file.
